JANUARY 2010: For the first time I stand on stage as a performer in a project of my own – together with Beatrice of course. I am the happiest person in the world.
FEBRUARY 2010: Seeing S. waiting for me at the airport in LA, wearing a new checkered shirt.
FEBRUARY 2010: Holding my first book in my hands at my publisher's office and thinking: I'll miss my train.
APRIL 2010: I am sitting cross-legged in a Buddhist temple and have just meditated for the first time. I can feel spirituality growing as a new force inside me which will never leave. After four years of yoga I am now on a path which will show me my place and my purpose in the great whole, allow me to let go and find acceptance. I am grateful.
MAY 2010: I receive the offer of a wonderful job and move to Switzerland. I am happy.
AUGUST 2010: I begin studying directing at Zurich University of the Arts.
AUGUST 2010: After years of research I receive a letter from a residential records office, saying my birth mother is called x and lives at y. I write her a letter. Two days later she calls me and says she's missed me.
SEPTEMBER 2010: I step off the plane into another brave new world. The air tastes strange. I resist the urge to run across these new lands, shrieking excitement in a way no child can possibly understand. There is so much to see and to discover, and there will always be more. The world can never be what I think it is, and that is the joy of being alive.
SEPTEMBER 2010: I am part of something bigger than myself. After years looking for my own voice as a pianist, I believe I am really re-learning to play the piano in the Marshall Academy of Barcelona. I feel part of a tradition where I have a place as a musician.
SEPTEMBER 2010: I finally graduate from my Double Degree Programme. It feels like a massive achievement, but it also gives me a shocking sensation of how I just slumbered years through a course that I preferred to not be studying in.
SEPTEMBER 2010: I see some people in the audience crying. No one is crying on stage. That’s how it should be.
SEPTEMBER 2010: Walking in the Death Valley. No noise, even the sound is crushed by the burning air. It's the most peaceful place I've ever been.
OCTOBER 2010: I sit with Ross in his mother's garden in Knysa. We talk and laugh. He has cancer. I know he is going to die.
OCTOBER 2010: My husband dies. I am not yet close to getting over it, but I remain committed to my life goals, which help me very slowly to get used to a life alone and to see some meaning in it despite my great sorrow.
OCTOBER 2010: After a ten year relationship my great love leaves me and I think it is the end of the world. In fact it is a huge liberation and I can finally find peace and joy in life.
NOVEMBER 2010: I am on a sappan on the Mekong River in Vietnam. There are two other backpackers and I say «Hello!» to them. One of them will be the love of my life in two years.
DECEMBER 2010: I meet the great love of my youth again. Finally, we become a couple, though he lives in Munich and I live in Frankfurt. We move in together and are pregnant of course and look forward to having our first child together.
DECEMBER 2010: This time it's for good. «My family» ceases to exist.