JANUARY 2014: My husband and I are walking hand in hand under a brilliant blue winter sky. When we look back at our lives, we find it hard to talk. We have had twelve operations between us in the last sixteen years. We are looking for a new way. In the last year I have got to know two more half-siblings. Only one to go now. I feel complete. I am totally myself.

JULY 2014: Having decided to break up and at a time when we are still living together, Czarina and I have tickets to Primavera. We decide to go, but at the airport she tells me she is in a new relationship, and that he is coming to Barcelona to visit her. I get upset as it dawns on me what it will be like to not have Czarina in my life.

AUGUST 2014: I go on my first date post-Czarina. We spend the day picnicking in the park and talking. We rent a boat and row around Southwark Park. Then we buy a load of beers, go back into the park and sit around talking some more. Later that evening we meet a friend of mine and go and watch "Boyhood". I take her back into Camberwell and as we say goodnight we hug. She holds me for a few seconds longer than normal and she squeezes my hand.

AUGUST 2014: I spend the night with Aoife for the first time. We don't have sex, we just talk. It feels strange sleeping with someone else who isn't Czarina.