APRIL 1990: On the last night of our week-long dance theatre course in Rasa, I sit by the fire with Maria and suggest to her that we start a company.

NOVEMBER 1992: Anita, the most talented of our theatre company, jumps off the Kichenfeldbrücke in the middle of the night with her Bible in her pocket.

JULY 1996: The Post Office in Ouchy is already closed – I jump on the Metro with my letter for Sarah to go to the Head Post Office in Lausanne. When the lady behind the counter assures me it will get there tomorrow, I am completely happy.

JULY 2000: During the Summer Academy 'Moscow Time' in Braunschweig and Hanover I am reinvigorated and think I ought to try the theatre again.

MAY 2003: During an evening performance at the Neumarkt Theater I sit in the dramaturges' office, watch a webcam from St. Petersburg and talk to Sasha on the phone. She tells me she will go to the Black Sea in the summer.

JUNE 2005: Late at night I walk to our flat from the Petrogradskaya Metro station and it is still light. I don't know how I will have enough money but I have decided to spend a second year in Russia.

APRIL 2007: I have been waiting for days for an answer from Marie to be able to plan my project for the Ruhrtriennale properly – and then I see the news on "NZZ-Online": She is dead.

NOVEMBER 2009: After five days in Beijing with almost no sleep and wildly beautiful flights of thought I can see quite clearly: I want to concentrate completely on my own work from now on and not hide any longer.

MARCH 2011: A full moon shines above the Rathausgasse. I sit on the window sill of my attic apartment and dare not hope that S. is still going to call.

JANUARY 2011: I ran to get the next best train from Frankfurt and pray all the way to Berne that I will get to the hospital in time to hold father in my arms one last time.